Christians Against FSM Launches New Campaign
Breaking News! According to the Christians Against FSM coalition, FSM has been touching children with his noodly appendage. This outrage must be stopped, we must find and kill the FSM before he molests more children (if we let FSM molest all the children, there wont be any left for Catholic priests). If you or someone you know has been “Touched” by the FSM, or are willing to lie about it, please call 1-800-FSM-RAPE now and tell us your slanderous story so we can bring this monster to justice (as we see it).
On a lesser side note the Catholic Church has been spending millions of prayer money/charity donations on secret settlements with victims of priest-child rape cases and move the rapist-priests to other towns/states and told to ask for god’s forgiveness in order to makes sure those priests wont rape children again. God bless that pope, he knows how to make everything better.
Let’s all take a moment to stop and think of the victims and also think about the fact that the Catholic church is one of the worlds largest financial institutions that reports to no one since they have tax-exempt status and can spend the money aaaaany way they want, including covering up the rapes and molestations their heavenly priests are committing. After all, it’s no business of ours, it’s between the priest, god and the child who’s life they’ve ruined.
Ra-men.
Jan 03, 2007 @ 04:45:54
I have been touched by the noodly appendage and it was al dente. Ra-men
May 02, 2010 @ 00:58:35
It isnt rspe if u like it 666
Jan 08, 2007 @ 14:19:54
What the fuck is an FSM?
Oct 19, 2010 @ 12:27:20
The Flying Spaghetti Monster?
Oct 19, 2010 @ 14:46:46
Free Speech Movement?
Fuck Samuel’s Mom?
Fags Suck Megadicks?
Fellowship of Satan the Master?
May 01, 2007 @ 22:15:22
this offends my religion.
Aug 09, 2007 @ 04:04:56
John, your saying this offends your religion, offends my religion.
Feb 08, 2012 @ 13:23:13
Deena, stay feuoscd on the one who can truly heal you… don’t loose hope. Love you! Beth
Aug 09, 2007 @ 19:05:50
Your religious offence of his religious offence offends my religion; I will now have to murder you and your family for generations to come.
Aug 11, 2007 @ 16:47:13
Your killing of a man for offending your religion, which was caused by someone else being offended by an entirely different thing, offends me! And furthermore, I will now have to curse you with my evil powers. ‘Cause I dance with the devil, or so I’ve been told by the local pastor.
Nov 21, 2007 @ 17:26:14
christianity kills bigtime
Nov 21, 2007 @ 17:28:01
i thought my my joke didn’t have an offensive site please have last message deleted! plus “butts” was supposed to be the last name not a bad site cruddy joke.
Mar 05, 2008 @ 16:38:27
Did someone call?
Mar 17, 2008 @ 03:06:52
When it comes to touching, the FSM clearly has the upper… appendage… How many people have you seen walking around with an “I was touched by my priest” tee shirt?
May 02, 2008 @ 04:12:13
Now, if that is not the pot calling the kettle black, I don’t know what is!
May 31, 2008 @ 11:57:35
Yall are gay….. touch this appendage
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This is a finger fucking you
Aug 21, 2008 @ 20:14:37
i dont see it.
Sep 07, 2008 @ 21:01:25
Is it the pinky finger? I’m sorry for you Celeste if you have to resort to using a hand for gratification. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is surely sending you to hell. Have fun with the VD strippers.
Oct 29, 2008 @ 09:31:08
Thats racist and mean… Your ‘God’ must truly be cruel
Aug 06, 2010 @ 23:15:33
My “god” is cruel, cause he didn’t save the jews from hitler no matter how much spaghetti we ate.
Mar 17, 2009 @ 10:17:28
PRAISE THE LORD! HIS SAUCE IT RAINS DOWN! I have been Touched by His Noodly Appendage..let us say his name!
Mar 20, 2009 @ 16:21:38
I love how the first place Christians go is that His Noodlyness is a rapist… hypocrites. Not all of our church leaders love the little peepee ;)
Jun 02, 2010 @ 10:42:24
Nah. Not all of them have a “thing” for the altar boy. Just most of them.
It’s funny…Christianity and all its denominations claim to be anti-gay, and yet I notice the priests spend time in the Confessional with little boys, not little girls.
May you be forever touched by His Noodly Appendage.
R’Amen.
Apr 02, 2009 @ 09:07:39
i was touched by his noodly appendage, and liked it. ENLIGHTEN YOURSELVES! [dons a pirate hat and walks out]
Apr 02, 2009 @ 12:20:49
(to connor) ditto.
Apr 15, 2009 @ 10:21:31
If you want to see a reader’s feedback :) , I rate this post for 4/5. Detailed info, but I have to go to that damn google to find the missed bits. Thank you, anyway!
May 16, 2009 @ 15:51:31
This is what Christians against FSM are using their funding for? I would have bought a submarine or a diamond-encrusted Bible with holographic pages!
Aug 06, 2010 @ 23:19:38
What about a Jade statue of Jesus and said mosses found it during his trip to the promise land.
Sep 02, 2009 @ 19:04:45
it’s easy, just cut the noodly appendages and stir fry with beans carrots and celery in soy and coconut oil. Good eats.
Sep 05, 2009 @ 06:20:38
Someone wants to eat God’s noodly appendage….
Now THERE’S someone who really loves God.
Oct 06, 2009 @ 03:18:46
PASTAFARIANISM FTW
Oct 31, 2009 @ 20:56:24
pastafarianism ftw
Nov 27, 2009 @ 23:44:05
When Jesus was president he ate babies all the time.
Dec 06, 2009 @ 23:58:02
I have been touched by the noodly appendage!! And I oppened my eyes at the same timee!!!! Rameeen!
Jan 17, 2010 @ 21:00:23
Blessed be his meatballs!
Feb 25, 2010 @ 19:47:06
This coming from someone whose name rhymes with “molest”…
Mar 15, 2010 @ 17:25:06
more stripper factory and giant beer vulcano for us ;)
Apr 02, 2010 @ 20:19:18
I hope you guys read the whole thing.
Praise his infinite noodly appendages!
RAmen
Jun 01, 2010 @ 08:53:25
Well, people say they’re touched by Jesus and God all the time. Also, who ever it was who put “666” in their post is an idiot. The bible specifically says it’s 616.
Jun 22, 2010 @ 05:11:14
Arrrrrrr! The bloddy cross-bearing wankers be getting fiddly with the wee laddies. Let’s bloody board their rancid vessels and show them how to walk on a straight line – on the plank!
rAmen, Brothers and Sisters, rAmen.
Aug 01, 2010 @ 07:09:13
THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING!! YOU ARE ALL FOOL!!! THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE MY HOLLY WRATH IS TO SUCK MY NOODLEEEEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RAMEN
Aug 01, 2010 @ 19:59:11
lol give me pasta plz
ramen!
Aug 01, 2010 @ 07:12:02
I MAKE NO MISTAKES I MEANT TO SAY FOOL!!!!!! I WAS SPEAKING TO THE NON BELIEVER AMONGST YOU!! HE THE ONE THAT WILL BETRAY ME!!!!!!
RAMEN
Aug 29, 2010 @ 21:00:21
im sorry all holy flying spaghetti monster but you spelled fsm wrong
ramen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aug 29, 2010 @ 21:02:31
non belivers and posers will bee sent to hell
rAMEN!!!!!
Feb 12, 2011 @ 13:37:49
Sacrilege !! The FSM is a benevolent being and would never touch a child in an inappropriate way. Now a born again Christian maybe.. but only for fun..
Jun 01, 2011 @ 15:24:47
gay
Jun 01, 2011 @ 15:25:05
you guys are retards
Jun 01, 2011 @ 15:39:06
Which is that? The non-religious, or the religious? Whilst an accurate description of faith-heads, this is also the kind of quality argument we’ve come to expect from the religious. The ambiguity and blunt assertion suggests… faith-head.