Christians Against FSM Launches New Campaign

January 3rd, 2007 | Tags:

Breaking News! According to the Christians Against FSM coalition, FSM has been touching children with his noodly appendage. This outrage must be stopped, we must find and kill the FSM before he molests more children (if we let FSM molest all the children, there wont be any left for Catholic priests). If you or someone you know has been “Touched” by the FSM, or are willing to lie about it, please call 1-800-FSM-RAPE now and tell us your slanderous story so we can bring this monster to justice (as we see it).

Flying Spaghetti Monster Helpline

On a lesser side note the Catholic Church has been spending millions of prayer money/charity donations on secret settlements with victims of priest-child rape cases and move the rapist-priests to other towns/states and told to ask for god’s forgiveness in order to makes sure those priests wont rape children again. God bless that pope, he knows how to make everything better.

Let’s all take a moment to stop and think of the victims and also think about the fact that the Catholic church is one of the worlds largest financial institutions that reports to no one since they have tax-exempt status and can spend the money aaaaany way they want, including covering up the rapes and molestations their heavenly priests are committing. After all, it’s no business of ours, it’s between the priest, god and the child who’s life they’ve ruined.

Ra-men.

  1. waesome.com editor
    January 3rd, 2007 at 04:45
    Reply | Quote | #1

    I have been touched by the noodly appendage and it was al dente. Ra-men

    • Mike Wrotch
      May 2nd, 2010 at 00:58
      Reply | Quote | #2

      It isnt rspe if u like it 666

  2. Curlylass
    January 8th, 2007 at 14:19
    Reply | Quote | #3

    What the fuck is an FSM?

  3. john
    May 1st, 2007 at 22:15
    Reply | Quote | #4

    this offends my religion.

  4. Andrew Keir
    August 9th, 2007 at 04:04
    Reply | Quote | #5

    John, your saying this offends your religion, offends my religion.

  5. ian
    August 9th, 2007 at 19:05
    Reply | Quote | #6

    Your religious offence of his religious offence offends my religion; I will now have to murder you and your family for generations to come.

  6. The Shane
    August 11th, 2007 at 16:47
    Reply | Quote | #7

    Your killing of a man for offending your religion, which was caused by someone else being offended by an entirely different thing, offends me! And furthermore, I will now have to curse you with my evil powers. ‘Cause I dance with the devil, or so I’ve been told by the local pastor.

  7. seymore butts
    November 21st, 2007 at 17:26
    Reply | Quote | #8

    christianity kills bigtime

  8. seymore butts
    November 21st, 2007 at 17:28
    Reply | Quote | #9

    i thought my my joke didn’t have an offensive site please have last message deleted! plus “butts” was supposed to be the last name not a bad site cruddy joke.

  9. Offensive Man
    March 5th, 2008 at 16:38

    Did someone call?

  10. Connor
    March 17th, 2008 at 03:06

    When it comes to touching, the FSM clearly has the upper… appendage… How many people have you seen walking around with an “I was touched by my priest” tee shirt?

  11. DB
    May 2nd, 2008 at 04:12

    Now, if that is not the pot calling the kettle black, I don’t know what is!

  12. Celeste
    May 31st, 2008 at 11:57

    Yall are gay….. touch this appendage

    …..
    …..
    …..
    …..
    …..
    …. …. ….. ….
    …. …. ….. ….
    …. …. ….. ….
    …. …………………..
    …. …………………..
    …. …………………..
    … …………………..
    .. ………………….
    . …………………
    ………………..
    This is a finger fucking you

  13. ASKUAERR
    August 21st, 2008 at 20:14

    i dont see it.

  14. Samantha
    September 7th, 2008 at 21:01

    Is it the pinky finger? I’m sorry for you Celeste if you have to resort to using a hand for gratification. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is surely sending you to hell. Have fun with the VD strippers.

  15. Eric Gazebo
    October 29th, 2008 at 09:31

    Thats racist and mean… Your ‘God’ must truly be cruel

  16. Tyler
    March 17th, 2009 at 10:17

    PRAISE THE LORD! HIS SAUCE IT RAINS DOWN! I have been Touched by His Noodly Appendage..let us say his name!

  17. Rapably Soft
    March 20th, 2009 at 16:21

    I love how the first place Christians go is that His Noodlyness is a rapist… hypocrites. Not all of our church leaders love the little peepee ;)

    • Korica Firetail
      June 2nd, 2010 at 10:42

      Nah. Not all of them have a “thing” for the altar boy. Just most of them.

      It’s funny…Christianity and all its denominations claim to be anti-gay, and yet I notice the priests spend time in the Confessional with little boys, not little girls.

      May you be forever touched by His Noodly Appendage.

      R’Amen.

  18. nameless pastafarian
    April 2nd, 2009 at 09:07

    i was touched by his noodly appendage, and liked it. ENLIGHTEN YOURSELVES! [dons a pirate hat and walks out]

  19. Vigilante
    April 2nd, 2009 at 12:20

    (to connor) ditto.

  20. How to Get Six Pack Fast
    April 15th, 2009 at 10:21

    If you want to see a reader’s feedback :) , I rate this post for 4/5. Detailed info, but I have to go to that damn google to find the missed bits. Thank you, anyway!

  21. Kenneth
    May 16th, 2009 at 15:51

    This is what Christians against FSM are using their funding for? I would have bought a submarine or a diamond-encrusted Bible with holographic pages!

  22. Scrappy
    September 2nd, 2009 at 19:04

    it’s easy, just cut the noodly appendages and stir fry with beans carrots and celery in soy and coconut oil. Good eats.

  23. Anonymous
    September 5th, 2009 at 06:20

    Someone wants to eat God’s noodly appendage….

    Now THERE’S someone who really loves God.

  24. Pasta
    October 6th, 2009 at 03:18

    PASTAFARIANISM FTW

  25. nick
    October 31st, 2009 at 20:56

    pastafarianism ftw

  26. MIchael
    November 27th, 2009 at 23:44

    When Jesus was president he ate babies all the time.

  27. Edo Lobo
    December 6th, 2009 at 23:58

    I have been touched by the noodly appendage!! And I oppened my eyes at the same timee!!!! Rameeen!

  28. Think Floyd
    January 17th, 2010 at 21:00

    Blessed be his meatballs!

  29. Kwicko
    February 25th, 2010 at 19:47

    Celeste :Yall are gay….. touch this appendage
    …..
    …..
    …..
    …..
    …..
    …. …. ….. ….
    …. …. ….. ….
    …. …. ….. ….
    …. …………………..
    …. …………………..
    …. …………………..
    … …………………..
    .. ………………….
    . …………………
    ………………..
    This is a finger fucking you

    This coming from someone whose name rhymes with “molest”…

  30. Pirate
    March 15th, 2010 at 17:25

    more stripper factory and giant beer vulcano for us ;)

  31. Pastafari
    April 2nd, 2010 at 20:19

    I hope you guys read the whole thing.
    Praise his infinite noodly appendages!
    RAmen

  32. C’mon
    June 1st, 2010 at 08:53

    Well, people say they’re touched by Jesus and God all the time. Also, who ever it was who put “666″ in their post is an idiot. The bible specifically says it’s 616.

  33. dave
    June 22nd, 2010 at 05:11

    Arrrrrrr! The bloddy cross-bearing wankers be getting fiddly with the wee laddies. Let’s bloody board their rancid vessels and show them how to walk on a straight line – on the plank!

    rAmen, Brothers and Sisters, rAmen.

  34. FMS
    August 1st, 2010 at 07:09

    THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING!! YOU ARE ALL FOOL!!! THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE MY HOLLY WRATH IS TO SUCK MY NOODLEEEEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    RAMEN

    • Greenworld
      August 1st, 2010 at 19:59

      lol give me pasta plz
      ramen!

  35. FMS
    August 1st, 2010 at 07:12

    I MAKE NO MISTAKES I MEANT TO SAY FOOL!!!!!! I WAS SPEAKING TO THE NON BELIEVER AMONGST YOU!! HE THE ONE THAT WILL BETRAY ME!!!!!!

    RAMEN