I want to join this damn church!
Here’s a good laugh.. :D
Joke From Infidel Guy
A grumpy old man walks into a local First Baptist Church and says to the secretary, “I wanna join this damn church.”
The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”
“Listen up, dammit. I said I want to join this damn church!”
“I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church.” The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor’s study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to her office and the pastor asks, “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”
“There IS no damn problem!,” the man says. “Looky here, I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money.”
“I see,” said the pastor. “And is this bitch giving you a hard time?”
Aug 18, 2007 @ 12:29:05
That pretty much sums up the workings of the church.
Aug 21, 2007 @ 23:15:21
Sounds about right to me.
Aug 22, 2007 @ 21:19:29
So Jesus tells this story about this wheat field that had weeds growing in it; the weeds looked just like the wheat & are called tares. It was tough to tell the difference. So the angels asked, should they weed the wheat field & destroy the tares? The farmer says to hold off because weeding at this stage might harm some of the wheat. Better to wait until the end of the age when both have grown & can be distinguished from one another. At which time the tares are pulled out & burned, & the wheat harvested. The moral? there will always be false Christians until the end of this age when they will be destroyed every one. Are you sure you want to be on the wrong side of that destruction?
Jan 03, 2011 @ 20:38:46
Classic Christian thing to say. Why can’t we just believe in what we believe in and not have people like you imposing your ideas and killing people who go against you. “Thou shall not kill” right?
Nov 30, 2015 @ 21:12:04
Just talked to God! He told me to tell all of you to shut the fuck up. And the zealots will have a special place in heaven,them and the Jevho witnesses, cleaning the bathrooms
Jan 04, 2011 @ 10:46:41
So a fictional character, for whom there is no evidence whatsoever, allegedly tells a story, and on the basis of this story, we’re supposed to change the way we think?
I don’t think so.
Jan 13, 2011 @ 15:17:41
Hey Steve I’m an atheist and I totally agree with you but lets just sit back and laugh when the die and realize there’s nothing left to do and they wasted they’re own lives.
Jan 13, 2011 @ 15:18:04
they*
Jan 19, 2011 @ 19:58:06
Or…They might die and cease to exist, and thus are rendered unable to realize they wasted their life. Fyi, I am an atheist as well, but please, work on logic. Th1S 15 wHy Th3m n00bS h@t3 u5.
Jan 21, 2011 @ 17:57:45
I rather live my life for the good of mankind, be wrong, and cease to exist than live for myself, be wrong, and burn in Hell.
Mar 06, 2011 @ 01:50:50
Michael, thank you for admitting that you are “good” simply to avoid eternal damnation.
I’m an atheist, so when I’m “good” it’s selfless… U wouldn’t know what that’s like.
I say “good” because if you follow every word of the Bible, then your definition of good is abhorrently sexist, racist, and flat out ignorant of all true ethical practices (Deontology, etc.).
Mar 03, 2011 @ 18:56:23
I totally agree with you steve
Sep 16, 2012 @ 16:03:30
shut the fuck up
Sep 20, 2012 @ 16:30:13
U mad bro?
May 09, 2013 @ 00:40:24
Back up a minute. If Jesus is a “fictional character, for whom there is no evidence whatsoever,” how, then do you explain the formation, beliefs, and endurance of the Christian church?
Aug 23, 2013 @ 23:35:39
JK…
Umm, how do YOU explain greek mythology? or norse? or celtic? or the worship of BAAL? by your logic all religions that have a following are true… Is that what you believe?
Jan 13, 2011 @ 12:46:46
i would just like to say that hate mongers like the one above DO NOT represent the christian faith.
the christian faith is about love and forgiveness, not killing non believers.
also, the majority of stories in the bible are metaphorical and are not to be taken at face value. Also, there are many different interpretations of this story and the “destroy all non christians” kind is certainly not the most accepted one.
Jan 13, 2011 @ 21:15:24
Is that a fact? That the stories are metaphorical?…
Oh, and by the way, the bible was written by a number of writers over the course of 400 years or so, in several different languages. The version you probably have read, if you have read it, is translated from these many different languages and writing styles.
What I find the most funny about Christians is how they choose only a few lines of the bible to follow and/or live by and pretty much ditch the rest. The bible also says it’s okay to rape a female if she doesn’t have a husband, if I recall correctly. That stoning is the punishment of choice in the case of several different “injustices”. But yeah, it’s all metaphorical. It just means that you should get stoned with the guy who suggested that you should rape that fifthgrader you saw walk from the bus stop, obviously.
Jan 16, 2011 @ 09:22:48
That doesn’t make any sense at all. I think we should all live and let live. I didn’t even understand the last quarter of your comment. I am an agnostic. As humans we know a finite amount of information – there are still things we don’t know. I acknowledge the possibility of the existence of some deity, but refute proof in either direction. Be nice now.
Jan 17, 2011 @ 01:52:10
Yes, there are many things we still don’t know or can explain in scientific terms. But I think it’s wrong to just say “God’s ways are mysterious” or whatever. I mean, there were many things we didn’t understand a hundred years ago which we do understand now…
And you dismiss my statement because you didn’t understand it? I see no major flaws in my writing or reasoning, maybe you should get your head checked. Or blame it on “a higher power”.
I also think we should live and let live. I am against the death penalty, for example. What I said was that Christians ignore those chapters in the bible that says “eye for an eye”, that it’s not morally wrong to rape under certain circumstances etc. Then they praise their god for being just and morally correct. I think it’s a disgusting medieval religion that has nothing to do with modern society.
May 09, 2013 @ 00:53:20
Actually Atheist101, I think you hit the exact problem of the church. I see it all the time, people ignoring some of the Word.
I consider myself a Christian; however, this is something that I, too, have issue with. I watch others miss the point, I myself miss the point. It does happen, and I can’t say it’s how God made me, because sin is what makes us miss the point, and if there’s one thing God isn’t, it’s sin. And I think that we need God now more than ever.
It’s a common stereotype to think that all Christians live a perfect life. In reality, the only perfect thing about our life is that we’re perfect at being broken, and only God can fix us—and He does because He loves us whom He created.
Mar 06, 2011 @ 00:15:32
Atheist 101 thank you for doing exactly what you complained about by quoting a few Bible verses to support your views- bold play sir.
Mar 06, 2011 @ 00:20:57
Atheists tend to quote bible verses, not because they believe any of the content, but because the person they’re arguing with does..
Mar 06, 2011 @ 00:33:37
…because they are ignorant and believe that all Christians blindly follow the Bible word for word.
Mar 06, 2011 @ 01:01:23
Aren’t they supposed to?
Mar 06, 2011 @ 03:20:45
Ever heard of the saying “fight fire with fire…”?
May 08, 2011 @ 11:36:10
I’m not doing that? I said that religious people tend to only take in a few words in their holy scriptures and discard the rest. I only gave examples of such phrases that people tend to discard.
But you know, if you want to ignore my argument for the sake of me just quoting a few examples instead of pointing out every single one of them… That’s up to you, I guess.
Nov 30, 2015 @ 21:13:44
Just talked to God! He told me to tell all of you to shut the fuck up. And the zealots will have a special place in heaven,them and the Jevho witnesses, cleaning the bathrooms
Mar 04, 2011 @ 03:20:41
And I suppose you think you’re on the winning side?
Sep 02, 2012 @ 21:48:06
he’s somewhat right but whats his talking about is in the old testament judge 19. basically don’t rape these men, rape my daughter instead. I’m an atheist, but i don’t think believing in god is crazy, believing in a book is.
Nov 30, 2015 @ 21:17:53
Oh you ignorant fools: the bible is not God or even his words. Asked If he believed in God? Albert Einstein said “of course”
Dec 19, 2012 @ 08:33:12
I thought this was another joke. I kept waiting for the punchline. Needless to say, I was disappointed.
Jul 18, 2013 @ 20:04:37
Sorry dude- the moral is to mind your own business and let your God decide how to handle those with whom you disagree.
Nov 30, 2015 @ 21:06:55
Shut up
Aug 23, 2007 @ 00:28:26
That was a very boring story.
I was sorta hoping for something funny, but instead it was some “better safe than sorry” type argument to join the god bandwagon. Pascal’s wager is a tiresome one. Here’s a better question:
When you’re on your deathbed, do you really want to look back and see a wasted life devoted to something that doesn’t exist?
When the “rapture” comes, I’ll be the first to admit I was wrong.
Jan 03, 2011 @ 18:12:40
Bravo, dear sir! I utterly despise those overzealous christians who shove their religion on others with threat of eternal torture or death. This should be outlawed.
Jan 03, 2011 @ 20:39:43
Preach good sir!
Jan 03, 2011 @ 20:40:27
Not a christian by the way.
Jan 20, 2011 @ 12:41:36
So basically what you’re saying is that people who don’t look at life the same way as you do should not be allowed to speak?
Mar 04, 2011 @ 03:22:26
leading a life of honesty and integrity will never lead to any regrets religion or no.
Aug 26, 2007 @ 09:50:12
This was originally told as a man walking into a bank wanting to open a “damn savings account”, but of course it has been modified to try and show a negative image of Christianity and church’s. Christian bashing…sport of the first and twenty first century.
Jan 04, 2011 @ 10:47:47
Christians: finest minds of the 14th century.
Aug 26, 2007 @ 23:45:29
As opposed to the common “atheists are in league with the devil” sort of thinking which is far more common than ‘Christian bashing’.
I’m actually really tired of this ludicrous notion that Christians are somehow a poor defenseless entity that is being picked on. There are literally a billion Christians. Grow up.
Mar 04, 2011 @ 17:15:39
sadly more people are leaving christianity and destroying themselves with drugs and sex. i seen it all…….
May 08, 2011 @ 11:44:58
No, no, no. Do not confuse religion with purity or taking the moral high ground. I know a lot of people – everyone I know, actually – that aren’t doing drugs, and are enjoying sex as much as they see fit. None of them are religious. None of them are dead. None of them are particularly unhappy.
And even if it’s true, does it really matter to your god? He doesn’t discriminate against non-Christians, right? Even if they are “destroying themselves with drugs and sex”.
Aug 27, 2007 @ 16:28:30
Lighen up Ian, just a joke….
Aug 27, 2007 @ 16:29:25
The joke is funnier set in a church though, because nobody in a damned bank cares how you talk, and they’re expecting your money. This way it’s more unexpected.
But then, I’m not into religion, so maybe I just have more of a sense of humor about it.
Aug 27, 2007 @ 16:50:06
*lobs a brick at Jeebuz’s head*
Sep 15, 2007 @ 06:31:17
Do you think God would appreciate a ‘Christian’ who believes in Him only because otherwise they might be sent to Hell? More likely a atheist who is a good person would be shown to the pearly gates than a Christian who is afraid to live their life.
Entirely agreed with Ian, by the way. Pascal’s Wager is incredibly tiresome, and all that is accomplished by its use is making you look as though the lobotomy was a bit too extensive.
Oct 13, 2007 @ 19:25:19
Wow, Ian,
Does that brick mean that you are without sin? I thought your god told you not to judge lest ye be judged.
Oct 13, 2007 @ 19:27:32
oh wait nevermind, misinterpreted you
my bad
Oct 17, 2007 @ 21:52:15
Hmmm… I found this pretty funny, yet I am religious. I hate fake people just as much as the next. Believe what you want to believe, thats your right, I mean, I may ask, but I don’t badger. Just wanted people to know that not all Christians are the same. Some have caught up in the times, and for me, it’s humbling to believe in a being that is greater than all. It keeps me focused and going down what I believe is the right track.
peace
Oct 22, 2007 @ 04:05:42
There is a rather striking trend inherent in all of these “atheist vs. Christian” posts. The higher the degree of religious piety, the greater the number of punctuation, spelling, and grammatical errors. Is it the passion of the moment that suddenly seizes your ability to write coherent and thoughtful rhetoric, or is it something else?
Oct 22, 2007 @ 07:31:46
GWB style, speak three words at a time and make a small pause.
Nov 26, 2007 @ 04:38:16
If one looks into the history of the church, fleecing the flock is not unnoticeable (any indulgences for sale?). And, beekay, according to Christian dogma, the highest a good atheist can achieve is Purgatory, unless, of course, they are in full knowledge of being an atheist, then they are doomed to Hell.
May 24, 2008 @ 19:52:30
I am always amazed at how religious people can ignore the most obvious facts so they can retain their “faith”. Most of the world’s problems have been, and still are, caused by religion.
How much better off would we be if all those resources of time, money, and wasted lives were expended upon improving the lot of the average person?
Oct 29, 2014 @ 20:59:40
So true
May 24, 2008 @ 23:01:12
Fuck
May 25, 2008 @ 02:10:08
ell oh ell guys. way to not have a girlfriend.
the damn church joke is funny.
May 25, 2008 @ 13:24:00
The joke is funny, period, and fitting considering the way that some of the churches are today. I’m a pretty devout Catholic, but I won’t push my views upon you. However, I’d like to make a slight correction to William Poe. You’re looking at a misinterpretation of Catholic dogma. Most Protestants don’t believe in purgatory, and they consider us Catholics to be wrong.
I don’t care what you personally believe; I know what I believe, and I dislike when people get it wrong. Just my two cents.
May 25, 2008 @ 17:46:17
this joke has nothing to do with pascal’s wager nor christianity vs. atheism. silly.
May 26, 2008 @ 05:29:00
Ian, you speak of pascal’s wager as though it were a fools gamble. It’s funny that you consider a christian life wasted when, even if there is no God, a christian has simply lived a morally decent life with the help of an imaginary friend.
As for Mr. Smith, I question Your statement that most of the world’s problems are due to religion. Granted many a war has risen through religious discord, but if you think for one second that religion is responsible and not man’s inherent need to purge what he sees as different and forcefully replicate what he sees as good, then you may consider a closer look at anthropology.
Of course none of this matters since it was a joke, not a particularly volatile one at that.
Jan 03, 2011 @ 18:27:37
You have a good argument, but I have 2 problems with that statement:
1. I don’t believe that all christians live a morally decent life. I have many christian friends (myself being an atheist) and plenty of them are sadistic to those who displease them. Also, I wouldn’t exactly call any of the soldiers in the Crusades “morally decent” (rape, murder, harrasment, etc.).
2. I think that “man’s inherent need to purge what he sees as different and forcefully replicate what he sees as good” is the perfect definition of religion. Religious zealots throughout the course of history and even now, are constantly living in fear of that which they do not accept, or see as “right.” As an outlet to get rid of this fear, they attack said scary objects, resulting in these “holy wars.”
May 29, 2008 @ 00:08:04
ur gay.
May 29, 2008 @ 08:59:30
if the raptures today,some grab my steering wheel!
May 30, 2008 @ 10:42:58
This is stupid, I cannot believe people are fighting again over the Internet. As for God, he must have Verizon because when I called and called, he never answered… So I said piss on him and to all you evangelical Christians, FUCK YOU!
Jan 19, 2011 @ 08:44:26
Mr. Nick your not nice,and u use bad language. I bet I know why god did’t answer you, your not very nice and use bad language try to clean it up and try again, he is not pissed at you. But you might be in in his cross haires if you keep it up. On the other hand maybe you don’t care. Good luck and I hope your life gets better some day!
Oct 29, 2014 @ 21:02:14
When I read this I can’t help but imagining it in a three year olds voice
Jun 01, 2008 @ 18:44:10
I’m Christian found this hilarious and true. If you can’t see the humor or truth in it your are both humorless and lying to yourself.
Jun 04, 2008 @ 17:56:16
I suck and I am 64 years old and I am still a virgin because I don’t have enough money to pay women to do it with me and they would never do it with me if I didn’t pay them.
Jun 05, 2008 @ 22:24:07
Also sometimes I like to masturbate in the church when nobody is around, and then I’ll bash homosexuals.
Jun 06, 2008 @ 04:56:47
money and church go hand in hand when my wife and I were getting married the priest just went right out and said that he wants us to give 15-20% of our wages to the church…I told him we wanted to get married there not buy the church, got married elsewhere
Jun 07, 2008 @ 21:19:32
you bloody god bothers should leave me alone dammit
Jun 17, 2008 @ 00:20:19
I grow weary of the petty squabbles of men. Isn’t there something better for you all to do?
Jun 18, 2008 @ 21:12:45
that was not funny.
religion is for the weak.
not funny.
Jun 19, 2008 @ 11:05:47
So, If I were to start talking about Existentialism, hell, even Christian Existentialism every one in this room would be wrong. and if you’re going to impersonate God you need to capatilize the “g” or else you sound like you’re trying to be some random mythological god.
Jan 03, 2011 @ 18:31:23
Of which room do you speak?
Jun 19, 2008 @ 11:07:08
In which case I would have to refer to you as Zues, because as Maddox frankly put it, the only thing Zues was good at was rolling over and taking it in the cornhole.
Jan 03, 2011 @ 18:30:19
Seeing as we’re talking about correcting others’ grammar or spelling, the Greek “god of gods” would be spelled “Zeus”.
Jun 19, 2008 @ 14:46:04
God is just another random god.
Jun 27, 2008 @ 21:25:41
This is a joke guys, remember?
Whether or not religion is false, that’s no reason to be a jerk. Laugh at the joke, and Ian, if the rapture does come, you can feel silly alongside me, cause I don’t see it happening like that, but it’s like GJL said, if it doesn’t turn out like that, oh darn, we’ve been living a morally decent life. The world is doomed.
Oh, whatever. I got side-tracked. It’s a joke. It’s not necessarily about the church, it’s about a guy who swears in order to get money. Not a good light to put anyone in, but it’s a JOKE. Remember those? Funny things? Remember when people could be satyrical, saying something, and still get a laugh even if people didn’t agree? I laughed, and I think that’s the point. Laugher: the best medicine.
Oh, one last thing. Zeus wasn’t as good at “taking it in the cornhole” as he was giving it. Hera gave him no small amount of grief for his ‘extra-marital exploits’, anyways.
Oct 29, 2014 @ 21:05:21
I find it funny how when religious people argue they basically say they are only believing in god so they don go to hell
Jul 02, 2008 @ 00:16:16
Wow…
Quite honestly, the joke wasn’t nearly as funny as watching a bunch of retards argue about Christianity.
Jul 03, 2008 @ 00:38:53
Pascals wager is so tired, yet if reason is the holy grail of atheism perhaps you should use the reason and convert. The argument that is getting REALLY burnt out is how boring and horrible a christians life is. I don’t regret my life, or my way of living. I am not bored, I am not unsatisfied, and I am not ashamed. If being a christian is not for you that’s not my problem. Being amoral and being atheist are not the same, strangely enough it is so acceptable to be atheistic and caustic towards those with faith, but when intolerance flows the other way crying ensues. How many of you have actually suffered because of intolerance? Heaven could not be so wonderful if populated by people with such little regard for others. Being Christlike is more important than being christian, your words and your actions are what bring you into heaven not your “affiliations” with a particular church or group of people. So in a sense many atheist are right about christians, but for being so determined to be better than everyone through reason, stereotypes and ignorance still prevail in the atheist community as much as anywhere else.
Jul 11, 2008 @ 12:43:16
It’s amazing how tired an argument is when it is against what you believe. The same atheist who calls pascal’s wager tired can’t wait to throw “where did Cain get his wife?” argument, or gets physically excited by the hopes of trapping a Christian in an almost 2000 year old trial of whether Jesus’ body was taken by his sun baked disciples. You have your time on Earth, and hopefully you’ll make a decision based on what you’ve learned.
Jul 12, 2008 @ 04:36:36
If we’re here so that God can weed out the sinners, then why are we here? If he knows everything, then he knows which of us are sinners.
Also, can God himself create a rock so big that even he can’t move it?
in b4 Christians ignoring the first half of my post
Aug 04, 2008 @ 13:21:32
I have never laughed harder at a joke on the internet before.
Aug 04, 2008 @ 21:47:30
I dont agree with this site – its a site for lost atheists. By oppressing our ideologies on others we too become as bad as religions. The headers makes atheism sound like a cult. As atheists we advertise our place in the world, our right to not believe, our right to think what we want to think, what we do not do, is TELL people – we inform them, we do not LEAD people – we guide those that are lost. We are a neutral cause, by using oppression you make us as bad as the other religions, which makes us a religion, which is not what being atheist is about. This site has lost its way.
Jan 31, 2010 @ 20:44:07
@TIM…
Old argument is old. Get over the whole can God create something that he can’t do something with. (God is a spiritual entity, there’s no weight in heaven, fail argument is also fail.)
Regarding to the topic… I thought it was funny. Corruption is everywhere, and more often than not, you see it in churches and politicians. It was humorous, I’m Christian, I enjoyed it. Kudos to whoever created it, it provided me with laughs.
†
Oct 29, 2014 @ 21:08:23
The most interesting thin about this comment is the cross at the end… How do you make that?
Jan 06, 2011 @ 20:00:56
LOL NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE ARGUE ABOUT THIS WE WILL NEVER KNOW THE ACTUAL TRUTH UNTIL….WE DIE! THIS IS ALL POINTLESS ARGUING. I myself am a christian i do not condemn anyone for not being one, seeing as i have my views and they have theirs. If someone wants to know about it I will tell them what i know and where i found it. But if they dont want to know anything about it that’s fine. but anyways…STOP ARGUING THIS IS POINTLESS, NO ONE WILL EVER WIN THIS!! :)
Jan 14, 2011 @ 22:00:25
I think you are wrong, Alex.
Pun intended.
The arguments have been laid out time and time again. Not here, but in every debate about whether god exists before it. The Atheists have won every time (since.. well, since debates are won on consensus and scientific facts), it’s just the Religious that stand oblivious to that fact and continue to believe anyway. Not saying that it’s wrong to be religious, I just think it’s a weak way of letting something else run (ruin) your life and not leading one of your own. Relying on morals that were written down several thousand years ago — that are not even translated verbatim from the original texts — is just not something I would want to do.
Jan 15, 2011 @ 14:51:56
debates are NOT won on consensus. Popular opinion is not a basis on which to form opinions or beliefs. Validity, cogency, factual standing, these are what debating is all about. Not popular opinion or “consensus”.
Just to clear that up.
Jan 15, 2011 @ 22:59:14
Debates are won on consensus from the general audience and on the validity of the statement. Of course you cannot win on faulty statement, but if both parties arguments with valid statements the one with the majority vote will win… Just to clear that up.
Jan 14, 2011 @ 22:05:30
As a sidenote, people with low self esteem and self worth are keen to be religious.
People with low IQ and/or low education are keen to be racist.
People who are smart (top 12%) likes to listen to metal.
I like metal.
Nov 28, 2012 @ 23:18:11
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Way to make your self out to be a fool. Without this comment you looked at the very least intelligent, regardless of if you were right or not. This comment however is unfounded and worthless. Statistics need credible sources to be believed. You just made yourself out as a dumb ass.
Oct 29, 2014 @ 21:10:59
No his statement is very likely to be true or at least reasonable even though he didn’t cite his sources the only thing he made up was the part about metal
Jan 15, 2011 @ 09:20:59
Was the pastor by any chance Cam Newton’s father?
Jan 16, 2011 @ 00:59:55
AND YOUR ALL WRONG, THINK ABOUT IT,EVOLUTION, DINOSUARS (PLZ EXPLAIN THAT FOR ME) MAKES SENSE, ORIGINAL SIN????? COMMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PPL ARE A PRODUCT OF THE EARTH WE LIVE IN, NOT THE OPPOSITE. did the fisherman put fish in the sea!? no. i hate all you religious types who think theres a big man above us running everything……fuckin ridiculous. i feel really horrible for you unenlightened, ingnorant, self loathing, assholes, who have collectively cuaseed so much pain, misery, poveryt, sexual perversion, and corruption in this world. and still think you should be running it.. shame on you.
i don’t like him or agree with him but with what he said, what i’m saying seems valid.
jesus would not be proud.
Mar 03, 2011 @ 19:05:20
to biohazzard2426 i am an athiest and i have heard that adam and eve were the first 2 persons on earth,they had 2 sons,one was a farmer and one was a shepherd,so i think that would be classed as civilised for their time,so did the world go backwards to the stoneage after that time,who were the fist peopkle on earth,me thinks it is all bullshit,poppycock,frogshit cow dung etc.
Jan 18, 2011 @ 20:17:06
That’s a common misconception many atheists, agnostics, non-Christians, and even some Christians have. There is a difference between the Old Testament God and New Testament God. It is the same God with all the same attributes, but the Old Testament laws and punishments were put in place before Christ died. According to Christians, Christ’s death took the punishment for our sins and after that God chilled out a little because humans weren’t responsible for killing a goat to assuage their sin-debt. Their price had already been paid so God wasn’t up there demanding some kind of sacrifce, just that they accept the one He already gave ’em, Jesus. This made salvation easier and Christ became the new law, replacing the Law of Moses that had said stoning, rape, et cetera was okay.
I agree that many Christians ignore this part of the Bible or just don’t understand the Old Testament and many Christians don’t follow the New Testament laws that God put in place for Believers, but that’s part of human nature. Humans can’t be perfect and any Christian that wants you to think he or she is, is a shame to the religion. Christians aren’t perfect or better than anyone else. The only difference is that Christians consider themselves forgiven by God for their wrongdoing and too often use that forgiveness an excuse to act however they want.
(And just to clear things up:
Yes. I believe in God, Christ, and the Bible. I just believe in the Bible, not the crazy homo-hating, far-right-wing, try-to-act-like-we’re-perfect hypocrisy that American Christianity represents. True Christianity is acknowledging we’re wrong and accepting forgiveness for it. Rarely do you see a Christian act, speak, or think like that. I’m not trying to convert anyone. Just wanted to throw in my two cents and give some background on the crazy laws in the Old Testament and why believers ignore God’s laws. My apologies on behalf of whatever I said that you found offensive.)
Jan 18, 2011 @ 21:47:10
Why not just obliterate “sin”? Don’t you think this world would’ve been SO much better for you Xians had there been no such thing as “sin”? Then again, this is the same god that overlooked a talking snake convincing a rib-woman to eat from a magical tree… because she had not been made aware of the concept of a lie (which was the very first “sin,” and this happened BEFORE she ate the fruit!). So, how can you blame her… when her own god didn’t even bother forewarning her, first and foremost? It doesn’t make sense. The entire Genesis account is a total insult to science and logic. When you no longer believe in these fairy tales (and INSTEAD face reality for what it truly is…), you become smarter and your lifespan increases. Because there is so much we can do here on this planet. Religion doesn’t really care about humans helping out other humans, as much as it cares about humans following them. Religion (and Christianity IS a religion; do not argue this) is a crutch to mankind and is the reason why we still have wars and also why we have family divisions (e.g., divorce, “black sheep” in the family, superstitious claims like “the devil is in my 9-year-old child’s mind!”, etc.)
And if you’re going to blame the logic of people such as myself on inanimate objects like “the devil,” then clearly he is much smarter than your god (and yet he created him… irony).
Yeah. Because at the time Yahweh gave stoning, rape, et cetera the BIG THUMBS UP. Now, he’s changed his mind. Of course, he would rather see us eating shellfish over “choosing” to like people of the same sex. I can’t see anything wrong with a god like this…
Jan 20, 2011 @ 02:24:14
You do know that the bibles did not just rain down from heaven? They were actually written by people, and if you doubt that… well… I don’t know what to say really.
It was written in about 20 different languages, by countless different authors 1500 years before Christ was even born (yes, even the new testament). I’m guessing that your god has a sense of humor and left it up to 100 different men of different cultural origin to foresee the future?
And there you go again with the “follow one proverb, ditch the rest”… “[…]I just believe in the Bible, not the crazy homo-hating, far-right-wing, try-to-act-like-we’re-perfect hypocrisy…” So what does the bible say about same sex relationships? or what happens if you aren’t perfect, i.e. you commit a sin?
I still don’t condemn religious people. I think people can believe what they want, but I am skeptic about how much Christians actually know and follow and most of all believe about their own religion. I think most Christians are just born in to their families “beliefs” which sometimes include going to church every Sunday, and sometimes just thanking god for saving their life in that accident they were in. Not so much “I believe that Jesus Christ saved humanity” and “God created heaven, earth and hell and then created man.” Much like many Muslim people.
Jan 19, 2011 @ 20:02:02
Whoooo flame war for no apparent reason! Go read your religious books, folks. If you are atheist, go work on not flaming people of other religions, you are being as bad as the zealots, forcing your (lack of) religion upon others. This goes for all you Muslims, Christians, Agnostics, Buddhists, Nihilists, (Not you fucking scientologists, you can all rot in your own pit of Tartarus) Forcing your religion(s) upon others? Not cool dude(s).
Jan 19, 2011 @ 20:34:56
This site is a place for people to blow off some steam. Inevitably we get religious visitors, and if they feel like getting under our skin, well then so be it. They’ll just have to deal with what we throw at them.
Oct 29, 2014 @ 21:14:38
So were forceing religions on others I don’t see atheists killing starting wars and raping people like the Christians , just sayin
Jan 20, 2011 @ 12:54:17
Kinda a lame “joke”, people. The reason for the quotes by the way, is that I have yet to find a church that wouldn’t be exactly this way if someone wanted to give them a chunk of change. For all you Christians out there, can you explain to me why you need such grand, soaring buildings that sit empty for days on end just to “honor” your God? He said himself that “the son of man has nowhere to lay his head”, etc etc. When was the last time he personally physically appeared in your “house of God” and said he approved of his accomodations? If it truly is “his” house, why does he need so many? Face it- he’s like Santa Clause. One original (who died many years ago, but his name lives on because he was a good guy who tried to help others) lots of “helpers” today. Just my two cents worth.
Jan 20, 2011 @ 22:56:03
What’s hilarious is the fact that the atheists moan and complain about how Christians are always cramming religion down their throats, but 9 times out of 10, it’s THEM that start talking crap everytime there’s a thread or something posted. The Christians read the joke, busted out laughing, enjoyed it, and moved on. The athiests, like always, used it as a soapbox to start rambling on endlessly about how they disbelieve religion. I’m agnostic btw, and I thought the joke was hilarious. I do find however that today’s Christians are more tolerant of other peoples religions and less confrontational than today’s atheists. Atheists need to sthu and move on if they don’t something, not start a stupid debate in a joke thread, like they always seem to do.
Jan 20, 2011 @ 22:57:33
This is my site. I’ll debate about anything I want.
Don’t like it, then gtfo.
Jan 20, 2011 @ 23:00:33
Don’t like me pointing out the truth? Life’s a bitch like that sometimes.
Jan 20, 2011 @ 23:03:21
Truth? You made a retarded point and told me what I should/shouldn’t be doing on my own fucking site. Go fuck yourself douchebag.
If the worst you get is an earful from Atheists, then you’ve got nothing to complain about. Try growing up with religious fuckheads all around you constantly FORCING you through their religious bullshit ceremonies and trying to brainwash you to believe their garbage.
Jan 20, 2011 @ 23:07:34
Oh, poor you. How you must have suffered. XD roflmao. Get over yourself, you assclown. You life hasn’t been anymore full of trials and tribulation than the rest of us. boo fucking hoo. At least I don’t run around preaching my anti-religious bullshit in threads that were meant to be funny. Get a grip, dude. Atheists use any and all opportunities to slander and slam other peoples religious beliefs, while those same religious persons just pray for you. Who’s the shittier person? Oh, yeah, that’s right. That’d be you. And for the record, I couldn’t give a rat’s hairy ass who’s site this is. Makes no difference to me. You can rant and rave and slam other peoples beliefs till your blue in the face, and it won’t make a flying shit difference in their lives either, except to make you look like the complete ass you are.
Jan 20, 2011 @ 23:10:26
This is an atheist website. The place was made for atheists to come and hold discussion on any topic they wish. Not surprisingly this includes religion. Think before you type stupid bullshit like this.
Jan 21, 2011 @ 00:30:43
No, not just an atheist site. As its name implies, irReligion.org is a blog made by irreligious people (hence the “ir-” in “-religion”), FOR irreligious people. When we think of “religion,” we think of the organized ones.
On the other hand, it is perhaps debatable whether or not atheism is also a “religion,” although not the same as the organized ones. There is such thing as a “natural religion.” And also, the first definition of the word “religion” on Dictionary.com states exactly this: “a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe.” Therefore, I may as well be a believer in “religion,” but only the one with beliefs (yes, we all have beliefs, regardless of how anti-theistic you like to make yourself out to be) concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe. I believe that once you tackle around this way of thinking, the more insightful you become and you gain knowledge because of your desire for knowledge. Deists also do this, and I am glad that we have at least one “religion” where people can believe in a god and yet not believe in the same macho sexist, violent, deceitful father that tells people that they are guilty of a “crime” allegedly committed thousands of years ago. If I were to believe in a god again, I would only go deist, not theist.
So, in conclusion, while many of us here are atheists (with a dash of agnosticism to boot), we welcome just about anyone. We don’t moderate comments posted by Xians or Muslims, unlike most of their blogs do to comments made by outsiders of their religious beliefs. A site like irReligion.org is made to educate people about the atrocities of organized religion (it helps to read it as “organized crime” as well). While intelligent, logical people know better than to start fights with foreigners or our neighbors just because of our different set of beliefs, blind sheep are fighting over *which* religion is the most “peaceful”!
Jan 20, 2011 @ 23:14:11
Dude… I posted that joke, this is my site, I don’t preach to other people about atheism, instead I made a website where people can come here and read IF THEY WANT TO, therein lies the difference… I didn’t ask you to come here, nor am I forcing anyone to read this.
If you don’t like it… then… get.. the… fuck.. out.
Jan 20, 2011 @ 23:18:12
Oh, I see. So, since this is an atheist website, this is where you all sit around and slam other peoples beliefs without anyone to counter your hateful bullshit? Oh, I understand then. In that case, that’s the most pathetic shit ever. So, in other words, you can dish it out, alone, in the privacy of your own little forum, but if someone comes along and counters you, you cry like a little bitch? XD hahahaha.. I’ll leave you little bitches to it then. Gather up like little kids and slam peoples beliefs while they’re not around to respond. Again, I don’t give a flying rats ass who’s site this is, or what group you all belong to. You should take your own advice. If you don’t like it, then GTFO the internet. ^^
Jan 20, 2011 @ 23:19:52
Look around dude, half the people here are arguing *for* religion.
Nice assumption though.
Jan 21, 2011 @ 00:15:15
You sure give a flying rat’s ass to complain about *this* particular blog, though. (In a way, you make us feel very special.)
Oct 29, 2014 @ 21:17:45
We’ll I’m sorry for being logical and scientific and using reason and logic and facts to deduce a logical realistic opinion that makes sense and is backed up by fact if it upsets you and your crazy superstitions I’m sorry
Jan 22, 2011 @ 06:02:55
@SyKo Get over yourself. This is a site by and Atheist for anyone, he made it to encourage atheism and discourage religion, hence the name and the religious bashing. That atheists argue with religious people is hardly something you wouldn’t expect, now is it? It’s like having a right wing extremist and a left wing extremist, do you think they would get along?
And WTF are you on about? There’s not anyone to “counter [our] hateful bullshit”? Have you even read the comments on this page? And even if that were true, what’s your problem? If we, atheists, sit here all day and bash on religious people and religion without anyone else knowing, what’s the big deal? And you didn’t “counter” his argument, or anyones argument, for that matter. All you did was bash someone for their beliefs, now what kind of a hypocrite does that make you?
“What’s hilarious is the fact that the atheists moan and complain about how Christians are always cramming religion down their throats, but 9 times out of 10, it’s THEM that start talking crap everytime there’s a thread or something posted.”
I don’t call that a fact. I doubt it’s even remotely true and I think you are clearly biased in your opinion.
Now I don’t give a shit about who you are either, but why would you even sink to that level? Are you a child? You probably are. This was a calm and organized debate/argument before you came along and starting bashing us for bashing others. But you know, you really should be quiet from now on, because with every new post you make, your intelligence stoop to before unseen degrees.
Jan 23, 2011 @ 20:34:59
First!
Mar 08, 2011 @ 19:43:33
Maybe I can help you. Jews follow the Torah, or what we know as The Old Testament. That ‘first half of the bible where you find an eye for an eye’
Christians, however, follow Jesus Christ, who did in fact live. So did many of the people named in the Old Testament. If you studied Ancient Civilizations in school, you would recognize the names and time periods if you wer brave enough to also study the Bible.
The reason we christians throw out the first half of the bible is because God sent His son, Jesus, to be the perfect sacrifice for our sins so we don’t have to follow the old testament law. We can simply come to Jesus for forgiveness.
If you don’t want to bother educating yourself about the whole Bible, perhaps you could just read John 3:16 and go from there.
I used to be agnostic, because I didn’t know what to believe. Then I became an athiest but realized I had to believe in something. I believed Buddha for a while and studied eastern religion but once I was challenged to actually read the bible, starting in John, and working my way through it, it challenged me. I know now Who I believe in, and why. And that gives me great freedom.
Mar 08, 2011 @ 20:46:51
Jesus has no historic basis beyond the bible. There is no solid evidence proving Jesus existed. Just because you want him to exist, doesn’t mean he did.
>The reason we christians throw out the first half of the bible is because […]
Because the bible is the perfect word of god, which needs no correction, right? Right… guess not. Tell me, how can such a perfect being (god) need to correct something he did? How did he make such a huge mistake with us? Why would the all mighty creator of EVERYTHING ever need to correct anything, by definition a perfect being can only create more perfection…
>I used to be agnostic, because I didn’t know what to believe.
Everyone is born agnostic. There’s nothing really notable about your indoctrination.
>And that gives me great freedom.
It has given you great freedom to know that you are required to give unrequited love to a being that never presents himself, and if you do not, you will spend an eternity suffering in hell? How liberating.
May 08, 2011 @ 13:46:58
Please tell me which book
“And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head–it is just as though her head were shaved.”
is from.
Do you think this is something that most Christians live by? Yet again my argument was that Christians often disregard certain parts.. actually most parts of the bible and abide by a few.
And have you forgotten the book of Revelation? Is there anything in that book that makes sense at all? Except, you know, that Jesus shoots fire with his eyes.
Oct 29, 2014 @ 21:19:14
But
Oct 29, 2014 @ 21:19:31
Whoops didn’t mean to post that
Mar 13, 2011 @ 16:34:20
Either angry troll is angry or Atheist101 is hell bent on Hulk smashing everyone (even those on his own side) into submission.
May 08, 2011 @ 13:49:00
> I think it’s a disgusting medieval religion that has nothing to do with modern society.
I stand by it.
Jul 30, 2011 @ 15:09:14
Watching the religious and atheists duke it out in the comments section of a website is a waste of their time, each others’ time. Totally illogical on both sides. Does anybody really think they’re going to score points? Or change a mind in the opposition? Nobody appears to be interested in learning anything at all. Everybody already knows.
Oct 29, 2014 @ 21:21:59
We’ll the atheists do because they can open their eyes an see the completely logical answer it Buggs me to see people so blind and believe in something so ridicules and stupid
Aug 31, 2012 @ 22:17:29
Oaky you atheist. Give me some Reasons that can prove there is no God. There are plenty of examples that prove there is a God, the Bible I true, and There I a Heaven and a Hell
Oct 29, 2014 @ 21:26:14
Dafuq bro your citing a freaking book written a long time ago and heaven and hell something you don’t know until you die as proof that god is real at least some other people on this site aren’t complete idiots oh and by the way there is plenty of evidence that he doesn’t exist just some people are too blind to see it
Sep 04, 2012 @ 23:44:10
I love atheist. When anyone brings up the Bible the atheist are all like if you do what the bible tells you your just be a contradicting ass hole. First off you atheist shit holes that think you know better, read the book first. Then you will see that when Jesus died on the cross He changed the rules. It was a game changer bro. here is something that will help you understand more. http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/189551_472764569407991_906333372_n.jpg
Oct 16, 2014 @ 17:03:34
You know what’s unnerving about theists? Everything and anything will be chalked up to God or the Devil.
Something good happens — “God is good, God is great!”
Something bad happens — “God works in mysterious ways.”
Something terrible happens — “Devil incarnate!!”
There’s no personal responsibility, only disgusting ideals and delusional fantasies.
Is that what it takes for you to respect others? To do the right thing? Some imaginary utopia to look forward to?
Actually, no. Be disrespectful, be abhorrent about your ideals. Rape, pillage, and murder. After all, all will be forgiven, if you just believe.
Everything happens in the name of some imaginary omnipotent being, and regardless of your past, if you believe, you will be rewarded.
Sep 29, 2012 @ 19:21:04
GOD……………HA!
Oct 08, 2012 @ 12:01:36
I will debate that atheism is not a religion, by that definition, because of the “purpose of the universe” part. I don’t think that the universe has a ‘purpose’, and asking a question like ‘what is the purpose/reason for the universe’ is like asking ‘what is the purpose/reason for a mountain’. There is no purpose for the universe or life, it just exists.
Dec 09, 2012 @ 02:23:36
If all technology and every book was somehow destroyed, like I mean every source of information was gone, eventually humans would redevelop all the technology that was lost. But I guarantee no one will remember some book.
May 24, 2013 @ 20:45:40
You people are all just dumb. Religious zealots, and atheist douchebags all going after each other for what? So you can prove to other people that you’re right? Wrong. The only reason you’re here is because you feel the insecure need to prove to yourself that you have it right, but in the end you just aren’t. I’m not religious, but at the same time I’m not an atheist, but i am spiritual. No one can explain how all this came into being, but there is something that set all this in motion, and whatever that is is pretty amazing. It gave you the opportunity to even be here arguing about things like this. It gave you the opportunity to be alive at all. And I’m okay with that. I don’t feel the need to tell other people that they are wrong, because at the end of the day we all have to decide what’s best for us. Maybe its christianity, or maybe iys athiesm. This world is amazingly complex as well as the life that exists on it, and I’m willing to bet that we’re not the only ones in this universe thinking the same things. Actually given the number of stars in the galaxy, and the number of galaxies in the universe, the best bet is that we aren’t even the first ones to evolve to this point.
I’m not religious because it’s not enough for me to look at a book written thousands of years ago that I’ve read more than once and believe it knows the complexities of time and space, but I’m also not naive enough to believe that there isn’t something more. There doesn’t have to be one cut and dry answer to how this all got here. It’s just not something we could ever truly know. But what I do know is that we all have our own bullshit we have to deal with, and we all have things that got us to this point in out lives. What works for some doesn’t always work for others, and that’s the beauty of being human. We get to decide for ourselves. We get to choose the best path for our own lives, and I believe that is the true nature of the universe. The opportunity to simply go out and see where that takes us. The old cliche “to each his own” should really be taken into account here. If you say you’re a Christian, then live as the parts of the bible say to live, and love your neighbor and help those in need. No one truly thinks that rape and murder are acceptable. And if you are an athiest, then it should truly mean something to you. The great thing about athiesm is that the guidelines for life don’t have to come from a book, but from your own morality.
This earth has been here for a long time, and I’m pretty damn sure it’s here to stay for a while longer. At least I know I won’t be here when it goes, so instead of arguing over something as petty and as childish as “I’m right you’re wrong” why not go out and see for yourself, and let the world tell you what’s true and what’s not. That’s the way I’ve lived my life, and its never lead me astray.
Religion, no religion we are all stuck here together, and we’ve gotta make it work. Life is too amazing to let it slip by living by other people’s opinions. It’s time people started to open their eyes and see that we truly are all brothers and sisters, and treat each other that way.
Anyway those are my 2 cents. Hope I didn’t offend anybody.
May 24, 2013 @ 22:32:11
>atheist douchebags all going after each other for what? So you can prove to other people that you’re right?
What do atheists have to prove exactly?
>The only reason you’re here is because you feel the insecure need to prove to yourself that you have it right, but in the end you just aren’t.
No, a lot of people are here because they’ve never thought to question religion and are learning that being irreligious is not a bad thing.
>Maybe its christianity, or maybe iys athiesm.
Atheism isn’t a belief system, so I have no idea what you’re talking about. Atheism doesn’t propose any answers to the questions “where do we come from”. You seem gravely misinformed as to what atheism is.
>I’m also not naive enough to believe that there isn’t something more.
So you’re a pantheist. Good for you. No need to attack others for being doubtful about their beliefs…
May 25, 2013 @ 03:14:44
I’m so glad that those are the things you’ve decided to pick out about what I had to say. Not the moral to the story about how much it doesn’t matter what other people think. Just do whatever the hell makes you happy, and let others do the same. And no I’m not panthiest. Any and all of my beliefs come from the well informed observations, and truths i have learned and seen that pertain to the Universe, and how it works. I have not taken anything from any portion of any religion. Ive made my own decisions about what i believe. But at the end of the day, the biggest thing is Be a good person. Thats pretty simple. Don’t pretend you know what I believe, and don’t pretend I even said that athiesm was a belief system. I said maybe athiesm is what WORKS FOR YOU. And I apologize for the generalizations but when I see a comment string of hate speech, and people forcing their opinions down others throats, I tend to question how far along we really are as a species. And ultimately wonder why the hell anyone really cares what other people think. So again thank you for pointing out the few least important parts of my comment, that was very observant of you.
But I will make one judgement here. Being irreligious is like saying “hey lets take a step back look around and conclude that this is all there is” it simply makes no sense. If you have any basic understanding of how the universe came into being, and the moments before that happened, how can you conclude anything other than “I don’t fucking know what the hell all this is”? You can’t just come to a conclusion. That is an empty life, and one without deeper thought. Anyone who truly desires to really know what’s happening in this universe has to take that same step back, but conclude that the only thing we know is that we know nothing, and keep an open mind. You will find that when you live with an open book mentality the things you’re looking for will usually come to you, and if they don’t go look for some answers. I can honestly tell you that the answer isn’t that there is no answer, but we will never really know. So why not keep looking instead of deciding that you already know. Searching for knowledge and answers is what makes up a fulfilling life, and a life that will keep you guessing at every turn.
At least that’s what I believe. I’m not here to say that anyone here is wrong, because honestly Im not sure, but I am saying that this is what has worked for me, and if I can help someone along with their own struggles, then that’s enough for me.
Oct 16, 2014 @ 17:13:07
I think you’re under the assumption that just because someone doesn’t believe there is a higher being they have no desire to make progress or try to understand.
Well I’ll go ahead and leave this quote here for you.
“One fact that concerns some Christians and elates some atheists is that 93 percent of the members of the National Academy of Sciences, one of the most elite scientific organizations in the United States, do not believe in God.”
So who is it that is progressing society? It’s not the theists, clearly.
Oct 15, 2013 @ 21:46:48
This is just an adaptation of another joke about a guy wanting to open a “fucking checking account” at a bank.