Hilarious Religious Fundie Quotes

January 14th, 2008 | Categories: Funny Stuff, Stupidity | Tags: , , , ,

Here’s an amazing collection of insane quotes from religious nutjobs.

Google Cache of fstdt.com

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I’m going to go fuck a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I’m going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it’s “not addictive.”
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I’m pregnant again. I guess I’ll just get another abortion, since “fetuses don’t count as human life.”
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don’t go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren’t finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that’s fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there’s a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We’ll be right there!

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

That’s but one of the amazing quotes. I love it.

Hold on, I have to go back to my bedroom, I didn’t finish watching those two gay guys fucking, cause, I love doing that, you know.

  1. Ulairion
    January 14th, 2008 at 17:31
    Reply | Quote | #1

    Well, that would explain the weird noises coming from my closet (?)

  2. Greg
    January 14th, 2008 at 17:37
    Reply | Quote | #2

    Wait, we get robes? Why wasn’t I informed? When do I get my robe!

  3. Lucius
    January 14th, 2008 at 18:31
    Reply | Quote | #3

    I agree with Greg…

    when do I get my robes?!?!

    Or do we have to pay and join some club or something…?

  4. Musicguy
    January 14th, 2008 at 19:46
    Reply | Quote | #4

    Ugh. Can we PLEASE have a more fashionable color for the robes?? I know black is slimming at all, but it’s so fucking blah. Perhaps something in a shocking chartreuse.

    Oh alright, I’ll go back to the bedroom…

  5. Spoonman
    January 17th, 2008 at 09:41
    Reply | Quote | #5

    I dunno, I think it sounds just like the kind of world I want to live in. At least this one doesn’t include the stoning of adulterers and rending apart of children like the one Bush, Huckabee and Paul are trying to engineer.

  6. Abhishek
    January 18th, 2008 at 19:03
    Reply | Quote | #6

    I didn’t know fundies were so perceptive

  7. bipolar2
    January 19th, 2008 at 14:27
    Reply | Quote | #7

    ** Better to pluck out thine eye . . . ”

    No one knows the voluptuous pain of rigorism better than sexual involutes. They are constantly tormented by “sin” in their “members” — each true believer a do-it-to-yourself Marquis de Sade.

    The xian ephebe, created both innocent and indescribably vile at once, is a pedophile’s heartthrob. (The genital area is after all a priestly play ground.)

    Lolita was created by so-called “Saint” Paul infected by visions of yummy Mediterranean dream girls, Isis of Egypt and Diana of Ephesus, a multi-breasted favorite closer to home. (It really was more fun to be a pagan.)

    Xianity is pornography. Paul its primal pimp.

    © 2008

  8. The Shane
    January 23rd, 2008 at 15:40
    Reply | Quote | #8

    Hey, I never got my robe either. Can I possibly get it in a dark red color? Thanks.

  9. Samuel Skinner
    February 6th, 2008 at 13:49
    Reply | Quote | #9

    You don’t get robes- you get cookies or pie. Robes are for humanists.

    Why do people always think atheists are decadent? Don’t they remember prostitution was one of the functions of the old Mesopotamian religions?

  10. Najo Domiquel
    August 12th, 2008 at 21:59

    Oh, but my robe is pink.

  11. laszlo
    October 6th, 2008 at 14:25


  12. Ian
    October 7th, 2008 at 07:27

    We’re atheists and agnostics.. not Christians.

  13. xD
    June 26th, 2011 at 22:49

    LMAO @ laszlo. Epic failure